What am i doing
Why do I continue to destroy the one person in my life that has been there for me? why am I so selfish when I care so much about her? I cant help but think that the best thing for her is for us not to be together. I just cant break up with her because I know if I do Ill sink even deeper into depression and will have no one in my life to depend on. Ive had so many secrets for so long. Now they are finally out in the open and im relieved and excited to get them out of my life, but im worried that it has cost me the one thing that i should have held on to. I havent allowed myself to really get close with her even though weve been together so long because ive been lying and afraid to tell her all of my secrets. But now everythings out in the open, and im sure it wont be long before shes gone…I dont even want to be with me how could she?Ive hidden this stuff for so long because I hate who I am. She fell in love with me, but she didnt know the baggage I carried.
Here I am sitting in the business building crying because I know that my relationship is on the brink and its all because of me. She will never trust me again.
Mandy you deserve someone who can be honest with you, who wont look at others, and who can communicate with you well. There ARE better guys for you, I know there are.
Youre life would be better without me, mine would be over without you. Youve helped me so much already, ive grown a lot, I need your help more in times to come but I understand if you cant be there… I need help.
Pray for me. for us.